I feel trapped and suffocated. I'm being watched, criticized and judged everyday. I hate that. I hate that to avoid that I have to get away from the house. I have to extend my out hours and regretting not staying out longer the minute I come home. Mind peace and clarity is impossible here, if not impossible it's really really hard to do. Pissed off and angry from the constant criticism in the form of ''I want the best for you shit", "Stay away from these people, I don't want them in your life", and when I try to fight back and argue which is rare and always unpleasant, I hear this "I don't want you to make mistakes". Wow! Ouch! I know the difference between protecting and suffocating. But this is too freaking much! Too much that thinking about it and replaying the same scenarios gives me headaches and an extreme amount of bitterness. When is the part where she finally lets go, watch me as I stumble across my own path in my own life. That's why I feel fucked up, cause I'm too closed in, no wonder I am naive. Not stupid in any way, but just naive as in trusting. And when I trust the wrong person, I get blamed too. I can't differ between the right person and the wrong person. I only take my bitterness by hitting on the poor the keyboard and sharing it in my blog which just spreads negativity and bitterness on innocent bloggers who were unlucky enough to stumble upon it, which reflects by more bitterness in me and the self loathing starts. I write very long sentences that I can't read with one breath.
Too bitter and fighting tears for your own good,
Nari.
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