Saturday, December 31, 2011

Gravity (Live) (Music Post)

You have to watch it on Youtube though, cause it's not working here.
It's Gravity - Sara Bareilles. Great song. Go watch.

Friday, December 30, 2011

The past 12 months..

January was a revolution.
February was not good. Never good.
March was painful.
April was heartbreaking.
May/June/July were a blur.
August was refreshing.
September was long.
October was frustrating.
November was okay.
December was hopeful.

My past 12 months. I just described each by what I felt about their events. Here's to the new year, the new possibilities, and the new memories we all gonna make. 2011 made a difference in me/my life.
Thank you all for bearing with me,
Sending you love,

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Happy Birthday Blog!!

My Blog's first year has passed. So much has happened since then. I'm happy it's over. This weekend I have an engagement party to attend, And I borrowed M's Nikkon DSLR because my camera is broken. I had fun yesterday, ate icecream and lunch at the street. I'm happy, still jobless though.
So that's it. I don't know how to celebrate you blog, you've been here for me and walked me through my darkness. To the next year's :)

Monday, December 12, 2011

Satisfying the house wife in me!

I love cooking. I love eating. It's therapeutic, it's stress relieving, it's great. I love buying cooking magazines and watching cooking shows (It's the only thing I can stand watching on TV other than Bassem Youssef) Anyway, cause I tend to ramble. Here's some cooking videos I watched in the last couple of days.

Red Velvet Cupcake. Need I say more
I love the recipe, easy demo. Can't wait to try this.

Sophie Dahl is so beautiful. I love watching her.
I loved my life after watching this program. And the recipe looks good.
Some sites I love:  Full of joy this one, so creative! My favorite tv channel.

Guess what I did today? I baked a chocolate cake, been a long time since my last one.
Have a lovely day, week, month and whatever!
I really love Youtube <3

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

November wrap

I'll try to put this month into words as much as I can
I'm still jobless and broke. I had two interviews this month. And still waiting!
I got a "very irresistible Givenchy" perfume from my best friend Ahmed for my birthday.
I spent a day with my friends and had breakfast at El Zamalik. Overly priced breakfast food! FML!!
I ate ice-cream yesterday.
I went to a documentary movie about our on-going revolution and Tahrir sq. It was AMAZING! Directed by three very talented Egyptian directors, Amr Salama was one of them. I sat next to Medhat El Adl! How cool was that!!
I don't like how I look this month, gaining weight and all that.
One day I cooked a new recipe, it made me happy and excited the whole day.
I've seen Breaking Dawn, I loved it although my deep hatred for the book. It was the shittiest allow me to admit!
I went to a wedding.
I doubt anyone will find this babbling interesting.
This month was very frustrating with the all that happened in Tahrir and the martyrs and the SCAF.
I'll post some of the things I enjoyed reading this month though.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Not again

Sometimes I wish you love me, but I pray you don't. Cause I can't fall into the same trap twice. Yeah. I can't

Monday, November 21, 2011

Sad Times again

Can I just say that we (Egyptians) have been cursed with having a really bad and corrupted regime for life?! It's 25 Jan till 11 Feb days all over again, and the absolute proof that the regime had deeper and stronger roots than our youthful and young revolution. My mother and father won't let me out of the house, and I risk getting a stroke from all the news over twitter and Facebook. May Allah be with them and saves them isa.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Bringing you great music!

My fav. in the new album <3 What The Water Gave Me
"Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart"
That one is my fav. of all her songs, I love how sensual her voice sounds,
I love how she sang this, I love the little expressions on her face, She's a great artist with an epic talent.

Some pics cause I'm a good way of course :D

I love Florence and the machine, you should do that too xD

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Hello November (Birthday Post)

Helloooooooooooooooooo! It's MY BIRTHDAY! Wooooooooohoooo! Honestly I wasn't that excited but I got amazing phonecalls and msgs and wallposts last night, so that made it a lot better. I don't celebrate birthdays and I don't throw parties and stuff. But Dad got me a Birthday cake, It was good, too sugary but okay, Mom bought me a perfume and beauty products and so. And my sister brought me a small helium balloon. I feel happy, I feel content. I feel twenty two! That's a good thing. I love this month. Though this year's so much different than last year's, but I'm accepting that :)
Have a piece of my cake please :) And a good day too
1/11/11 Cute numbers yeah? :D think so =D

Monday, October 31, 2011

Wrapping up October!

Hello world! =) Wass up? hehe I've always wanted to say that :D
I've been really stupid lately, wallowing in misery induced and negative energy. I quit work and I've not got out much. Somehow I developed a bubble of self doubt and negativity. Questioning every decision I've made, comparing and trying to come to terms with everything that happened during this year (The wrong way of course) It only got me depressed more. So I'm wrapping up this shit and throwing it away for good. I'm not gonna ask questions and wonder about the people who could answer them. I don't want them. I don't need them. It's okay. It has been a rough year, I think it was so for everybody. Okay so I'm gonna be positive from now on, you should do it too.
I love you, and I appreciate my followers very very much! I love reading your feedback and comments :)

Friday, October 14, 2011

I need that somebody

I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face, they don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.

Falling Trees

I'm awake, I shouldn't.
I break a promise or two. My head is throbbing.
My bed is occupied. My stomach rumbles. Adele is in the background. I'm questioning a lot, I'm thinking too much. I want coffee. I silently pray for some clarity. I'm worried about things out of my control. I'm caring too much and it actually means that I care, like caring supposed to be. I'm not making sense. I feel lost. Is anything real? This is random. I like short confusing sentences, I should use less adjectives. My words should be flat and cold like my emotions.
I'm not signing this time.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Good Morning, World!

Good morning, World :) It's anything but lovely here in Egypt, since Maspeiro horrible attacks that occurred  this week. The streets are completely cold, calm, as if nothing happened, The stadium was flooding people like always, they watched the match, they cheered and laughed, and like nothing at all happened. They walk the street where the blood on the asphalt is still warm. It breaks my heart. I didn't change my profile picture updating to recent events, but my heart is with the martyrs and their families. I see no difference between a Muslim and Christian. I see none. Anyway, it's a brand new morning, I hope today is a better day for me and for everyone. I woke up at 5 AM, thanks to Nargess (my cat). And I'm going work in a while. I didn't get into the ITI scholarship, but it's okay, I had a plan B already :) I'm listening to Tracy Chapman this morning, she puts me in such a great mood :)
I love those lyrics:

Hunger only for a taste of justice 
Hunger only for a world of truth 
'Cause all that you have is your soul 
Have a bright day :)

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Another one for the hazel eyed

Dearest M,
I really wish you could see yourself clearly, I really wish you believe me when I tell you that you're a good person. My opinion isn't biased, trust me. I hope you achieve all of your dreams and goals. It would be nice if you get to know your youngest sister. And I admire how close you are with your family. I admire your loyalty and friendship. I understand that you're human, and you've made mistakes, though I will never understand the concept behind them, but I won't ask for an explanation either. On my part I forgive you, wholly and sincerely, I may never forget it completely, but I promise it won't affect our friendship, now you have to forgive yourself too. Accept your mistakes. And stop reminding me of it :) I can see that you've changed, that you've grown out of a bad experience. You're not frozen in time anymore, you actually the opposite. I have a feeling that you can accomplish anything you want. Just never give up on your dreams, fight till the end and fight for 5 more minutes after the end :) And quit whatever you wanna quit, change the things that you thought you never could. You've a blank canvas to color it, all the colors you have. There are people waiting for you to help them and study for them  -and like I say- carry them above your shoulders. Promise me you'll always see the positive side before the negative one, that even if I'm not here to tell you that it's okay, you'll hear me say it. This is getting too long, But I owe you a thank you, a BIG THANK YOU, for all that you've done for me, for cheering me up and being there when I needed you, for the amazing support and patience when I make fun on your account :) Thank you :)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Hazel eyed with a caffeine addiction!

I don't know, I hate not knowing! I hate not knowing what you want from me, why do I feel like you need me as your crutch, what do you see in me? Why can't you stop being nice to me? And I don't know why you are! Who are you? Which side are you on? Are you here to hurt or to heal? I don't need this, I don't want anyone depending on me, but somehow I want to help you, I want you to be happy, and all the while I don't want to care. I can't help myself though, This is gonna bring me to tears and end bad, I can only pretend that I forgot what you've done to me. I remember a faint feeling everytime I talk to you, but I push it down, I push away all the bitterness it brings, and focus on you. Focus on now, not then. The past is buried deep deep down. Please don't resurrect it. Please!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Things that brighten my day

Reading quotation pics

Eating something delicious 

Nargess, she's our newest kitten :D My cats make me happy :D

Cheering someone up, usually it's a friend

Coffee or a latte'

Icecream was invented by happy fairies :D

Going out to work, and coming back with a good mood :D
Pictures makes a blog a fun place right?
I think so,

Saturday, September 17, 2011

I'll be that one for you

 We have all had that one person in our lives who believed in us when no one else would. Be that person for others. Robin Sharma

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


This is a MUST read,
I'm craving! I'm craving like a pregnant lady! I want a cupcake today, it makes me feel cute and lovely! I'm not pregnant..and I gained weight. I don't like it.
I want a cupcake, just oneee :(

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Saba7 El Interview

Today was a big day for me ya gama3a, I had an interview today, for a scholarship I'm applying for, I'm choosing 3D artist. This scholarship is a big deal in Egypt here. You may have heard about it? ITI 9 months program. I think I did well in the technical interview, But the soft skills interview....I don't know. Ed3ooli?

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Simple and Short

Happy Eid, everyone, everywhere! Take a deep breath and enjoy :))))
High on Eid spirit,

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Fast Car

Tongue Tie

I've nothing to say and everything at the same time. I wrote how today will be, I planned it a few months ago. But I'm not the same person right? I wish I could break my silence for once. And for just once you'll be able to hear me.
It's a big day today, on so many levels

Monday, August 22, 2011

Someone Like You

Adele is so amazing and talented. I can relate to her words in the beginning of the video as well as the song. Such good music. Listen listen listen :D

Friday, August 12, 2011

Nari Graduates!

My results are out!!!!!! I graduated with ''good'' grade on the last five years. Y3ni gayed tarakomi. And a ''Very good" grade on the graduation project alone! I'm more happy with the graduation project, since I'd worked on that thing for 3 long excruciating months, don't mean to brag but I also went through my break up during it. So it's a pretty out come of what I've been through. Kolo be fadl Rabbi tab3an :)
الحمد لله رب العالمين
Nari (the fresh graduate),

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Where's that place where I can rest my head?

I feel trapped and suffocated. I'm being watched, criticized and judged everyday. I hate that. I hate that to avoid that I have to get away from the house. I have to extend my out hours and regretting not staying out longer the minute I come home. Mind peace and clarity is impossible here, if not impossible it's really really hard to do. Pissed off and angry from the constant criticism in the form of ''I want the best for you shit", "Stay away from these people, I don't want them in your life", and when I try to fight back and argue which is rare and always unpleasant, I hear this "I don't want you to make mistakes". Wow! Ouch! I know the difference between protecting and suffocating. But this is too freaking much! Too much that thinking about it and replaying the same scenarios gives me headaches and an extreme amount of bitterness. When is the part where she finally lets go, watch me as I stumble across my own path in my own life. That's why I feel fucked up, cause I'm too closed in, no wonder I am naive. Not stupid in any way, but just naive as in trusting. And when I trust the wrong person, I get blamed too. I can't differ between the right person and the wrong person. I only take my bitterness by hitting on the poor the keyboard and sharing it in my blog which just spreads negativity and bitterness on innocent bloggers who were unlucky enough to stumble upon it, which reflects by more bitterness in me and the self loathing starts. I write very long sentences that I can't read with one breath.
Too bitter and fighting tears for your own good,

Friday, August 5, 2011

Kinda of update!

I'm waiting for my results, it's not out yet, Thanks to our stupid educational system/routine.
I'm looking for a job, flying my resume everywhere.
I'm drawing and doodling on photoshop more now, which is good.
I don't feel Ramadan at all, I don't know why. Ramadan and summer is an unbalanced equation I guess.
I cook a lot with mama, everyday =D
I miss my friends.
I miss my ex, sometimes. It's weird, one day I miss him and can't cope, and another I'm fine w feel like better off.
I'm wearing a blueish green (Fayroozi) nail polish, It's A-mazing! A Luna brand. Love it <3
My hair is longer! Nice!
I'm reading a lot lot lot.
I listen to Abd El Halim radio channel.
I hate/love Tracy Chapman. There's this song called the promise. It's so heartbreaking. Don't listen to it. A blow that hits home :(
I don't tweet enough.
I've lost a friend. The type you regret giving your number to. Painful though, and somehow I end up being the bad person, their view of course not mine.
I went to Prom :D It was fun, I didn't win any title...some cheated during prom votes. But I've been nominated to Queen, Best dress and Most creative :D
W eh tany?
His birthday on 28th...ignore it? or at least write on his wall?
That would be all of all!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Ramadan is here!

How does time pass so fast? Can't believe that it has been a year! *sigh* Ramadan Karim everyone, everywhere, I hope you're happy and well wherever you are.
Kol sana w ento taybeen :)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

"As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not struggle to forget. I worried—late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses—that it was all slipping away. That my mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his skin, or the texture of his voice. I could not think of them, but I must remember them. Because there was just one thing that I had to believe to be able to live—I had to know that he existed. That was all. Everything else I could endure. So long as he existed."
— S. Meyer

Friday, July 15, 2011

Good Music Post!

See, one thing I'm crazy and so passionate about is GOOD music. I discovered this amazing band by chance and decided to share =D
First song Tracy Chapman Cover By Boyce Avenue. So good!

Second song is an original...called find me <3

Also an amazing original...called More things to say.
That's enough for now. I recommend you to check their songs. I like Adele's rolling in the deep cover by them, and Taylor Swift's last kiss by also them. I'm gonna be obsessed with this band for days :D Yaaaaaay!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

The day I graduated!

I know it's been a while since my last post. I got busy with the project, working on it day and night. It all payed off, I'm proud of it and the effort I spent doing it. My friends' support was amazing during the last month and the last five years. College is over. And this new part of my life I'll start it with hope and determination. I stood behind while people came to see the graduation projects. I saw them holding up the Comics I wrote and drew. I saw them laughing and squealing about how funny and pretty it looks. It was a tear shedding sight. My family are the most amazing people in the world. My mom came to help me. She was so proud of me. Everyone was there.  Except one. But now it doesn't matter. It doesn't hurt. Cause all who matters to me was there. The hugs and the encouragement was enough for me. Thank God for everything I've been through. My project is about me and my ex. Just with a few tweaks. I'll post it soon isa. Now that was wednesday.

Thrusday I went college to attend the show of Animation Grad. projects. I bought cupcakes to my closest friends. And got them each a card and wrote in it. Hoha gave me the ''bone crushing hug''. It was a surprise and a gift for all that they have done for me during the last 5 years. They were so happy. I was elated to see them that way. I love them dearly. I'm filled with positive energy and happy smiles. I hope reading this post gives you a small dose of positive energy. Remember your friends and next time you see them hug them for being there for you. Send them a text that shows your appreciation. It's all about the people around you that picks you up everytime you fall. :D
Bas keda :)
Nari (the graduate)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Eloisa To Abelard by Alexander Pope

I love the poem.. crazy about it since watching Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind.
Verses from the poem:

No, fly me, fly me, far as pole from pole;
Rise Alps between us! and whole oceans roll!
Ah, come not, write not, think not once of me,
Nor share one pang of all I felt for thee.

And this part that was quoted in the movie,
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd

The way Mary ( Kirsten Dunst)  said this part touched me a lot.. :)

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

One More Fail

When you regret caring and showing kindness to a certain person, then may be you're neither kind nor caring of a person. No, not even the slightest. It's cruel and also sad.
Thank you *sarcasm*

Saturday, June 4, 2011


It's different. Somethings have changed. And it's as natural as two magnets pulling together, as two puzzle pieces uniting perfectly. I let go. Today, I didn't remember you, I didn't think about you. And I thank God for creating us the way we are, and our forgetful human mind, for forgetting you even just for a few hours. It was a bliss, it was just what I needed. It was me letting go and finally having fun. I surprise myself by being good towards those who do not deserve it. Either naivety or kindness, It's totally me. I accept that. I miss you though, I miss you a lot actually, But I've missed my smile and freedom more. I've missed my old young care free self.
I think I can let you go now, and by doing that, I'm breaking open and free. I may not be happy like I was today. And there will be a lot of times that I feel vulnerable and wish your presence back. But that's okay. I'll find pleasures in other stuff. I won't depend on anyone again. People are not pillars and I learned that from you. I thank God for today that made me feel like a 5 year old. Thank God for my amazing beautiful sisters. And I thank God for everything that I've been through and every lesson I've learned.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

The 68th post!

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough - Oprah Winfrey
That's it.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Inspirational words of Wisdom

All my respect to this man. His words and the way he believes in them alone are inspiring and encouraging :)

His quotes:

Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.

Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side, Not only down for the good times but also for the bad times.


Saturday, May 28, 2011

Art Journal Entries and Life!

Hoha's  art journal, this first entry is about our day together :D
(You can see my version of this day down)
Love it :D
A doodle of us, I'm on the left :D
I love what she wrote about sweet <3

I wrote what I wanted to blog here.
The gray day,
May 23rd,
I don't like this one, Meh,
Quoting New Moon,
May 24th
I started reading The Time Traveler's Wife, it's great. I already marked my favorite lines in it. I haven't seen the movie yet. I'm finishing the book first. I like the name Clare, it's sophisticated. I'm down. I cry a lot, like 3 times a day. Cry over silly stuff, and old romantic The Bachelor! Really?
I found a new passion, HR stuff. I'm reading my sister's huge college text book. And searching post-graduation plans, hopefully an HR diploma at the AUC, and a conversation course there too..or at the British Council. This gives me hope and an old familiar missed joy and sense of purpose. I've missed this.
I love my parents, and I hate that I don't say it enough. I've been thinking about certain Quran verses. I've been listening to Quran.
One goes back and forth in my mind,
{ألا بذكرِ اللّه تطمئنُّ القلوب}
So from now on, I'll be doing that :)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

A Negative Post!

I don't want things to change. I don't know what ''things'' are. I don't want guys posting on my wall on facebook. And when they post songs with "weird hidden message within lyrics" it just...pisses me off! I hate when someone posts "inboxek!" on my wall, WTF! I don't want to get to know someone. Not now. It's not right. I don't want anyone calling me. Why is it so hard to draw the line with someone so nice? They're just too nice. That sucks. And why do they care asln? I'm used to being ignored. I'm fine with being ignored. Alone and on my own. I don't care about them..not like they do. I think I'm turning cold. I'm still raw. I need time to be by myself. I hate this. All of this. Even this post, I hate it. So negative. So me. I hate tweeting now, because of the one too caring follower/friend.  I can't tweet the personal stuff. Now he asks about the blog! Again WTF! It's too personal. I'd die if anyone I know in real life read all this. I'm a private person. It's like reading someone's mind. Even my closest bestfriend doesn't read it. It's called respecting privacy and avoiding awkward situations. We avoid tear-shedding all costs. We don't hug and talk about feelings. Easier to get by when you think that they think that you're strong and just....couping. That's where the respect and admiration comes from...I think. I don't want to let anyone so close again.. EVER! I don't want anyone to depend on me. I don't want them to think I care. I don't want to care. My mood is sour. I want to bake. No enough eggs.
Spreading negative energy and turning emo,

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

M for Mofid

My speaker eared lovely Mofid <3
He's the most amazing kitten/cat ever. His name is Mofid xD I have a habit and a sick joy of naming cats weird names. He was thrown in my way by destiny. See, I took this guy from the street..just at the back gate of college. I heard his weird meow and stopped walking right away, he was at the middle of the pavement. So tiny, and his face was all messed up with dirt and ooze from his eye infection. I tried cleaning his face using wipes, but it didn't work. So I called mom told her about the situation and whether if I could take him home. I was on my way to a Bday party 3la fekra. She said bring him. So I put him in my large bag and got in a taxi. Imagine standing in the street with a meowing bag for ten minutes! I got him home bas tab3an kan shardly fe el taxi :D
He got a bath mo3tabar. Poor guy, his eyes were so infected, we thought he was blind. We couldn't even see his eyes. Just swollen lids. The next day I took him to the vet. And he wrote him some eye drops and ta ta el 7amdollah, he got better in 2 weeks.
I didn't go to the bday, and I wasn't alone when it all happened. My friends were with me, they were disgusted when I wiped his face. They were horrified when I put Mofid in the bag and left. They went to the Bday but I did good. They are forever in the black list :D We aren't close asln.
Mofid gives the best kisses and tamsee7a ever. Mofid slept on my lap while we waited at the vet's. He was the size of my palm then, he looked adorable among the fancy brand cats and dogs. Mofid eats anything he can eat. He used to have a weird meow, he used to meow all the time, really really loud for 3 days. He stopped that. He was blind when we got him, so if any one spoke he would wake up and start following by voice. So cute :D

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Today's doodles!

My Art Journal <3<3
This sums up today :)
It's such a creative way to keep the inspiration alive. I didn't have time to "a7antef feh" yet. Soon it'll be my scrapbook, filled with my doodles from my dark mind.
The lyrics in the pic. are from 3 doors down's song ''She don't want the world'', the ''don't'' really bugs me though. She doesn't, I don't..5adnaha keda fe el school :) Anyway it's a pretty song :)
yours and yours,

Saturday, May 21, 2011

May 20th 2010 (In the memory of my Tito)

I've never wrote about my cats. I've had many, and I've three at the moment. I lost my cat "Tito" last year on 20 of May to be specific. I've loved him dearly, grown attached to him through the five years he'd been with me. No he was not just a ''cat'' like everyone who doesn't own a pet tells me over and over. And it never surprise me how merciless people can be. It's weird that the only place in the world that you can talk freely about your pet, and talk to strangers on how much you love them and know that they'll never judge, is at the veterinarian's waiting room. Face 3amel keda :S:S:S bgd!

Back to Tito, We got him from my aunt in 2006, she didn't want him. We took him in, and we fell in love instantly. He was my pride and joy. I talked to him, played with him, you get the point :D. He loved eating boiled eggs, he was consuming up to 4 eggs a day (sometimes) plus eating meat or chicken. Unawarely, that caused him kidney stones in November 2008. He got really sick and we took him to a vet who treated my aunt's cats. The so called vet. told us that an operation is a must. He did what he did, and we payed for the operation, the aftercare and stay. I got my cat limb and unconsciousness after 11 days from the operation. We took him back home, and he wasn't the same cat again. I still don't know how he recovered from this. He kept getting sick for months after. So we took him to another vet. and he told us that the operation was entirely unnecessary, that he could have gone better just by changing his diet and nutrition. Face 3amel keda now :@:@. Tito kept going since then April 2009 to the vet. -the good one up until his death- 3 times each month. My cat lived a year and half in pain cause of the first veterinarian's ''mistake'' and lack of conscious. He had abused my cat, and until now I still can't forgive that man. No matter what happens to that cruel unprofessional man, I want him to die a slow, humiliating and painful death.

My Tito died cause his bladder was too damaged to function and a kidney failure. I've been watching my cat die slowly and painfully for a year and a half. He was not a pet, not to me nor to my family. I'm proud to say that he was -and still is- one of us. We have his picture framed and next to it a picture of me. We have that picture frame in our living room. And his photo is my cellphone's wallpaper. I miss him everyday.
After Tito's death, we discovered that the bad vet. was practicing without a license, and at the time he was sent to jail. I considered this a small price of the debt he has to pay.

It's so important for every pet owner to know how to take care of his pet. It's his responsibility and there's no excuse for neglect. I used to think -as many others still do- that giving your pet what he desires is kindness, it's not. There's a reason why Whiskas exsits.

And animal abuse is everywhere and in every form., from refusing to feed a stray cat when you're holding a piece of bread in your hand, and using a fake certificate to gain a living. And you know animals don't speak. It's just you and your conscience...and Allah of course.

Mercy is also everywhere, you just need to know where to look. Now there're shelters for stray animals, and abused pets. There are many charitable organizations defending animal rights in Egypt. You don't have to encourage greedy pet stores, who starve kittens so you pity one and buy it. You can adopt a stray pet from the shelter and know that they want nothing from you except caring for the poor animal. You can spread the word among your friends and tell them why we should be more merciful to these animals. You can use the empty plastic bowl as a water bowl for the cat living in your building. You can serve them rice and see how giddy they'll be to eat it. You can save them without a sweat.

That's Tito, so beautiful.

In our balcony,

With Farfora, he has just taken a shower :)
Last spring on Sham el Neseem.
That's the picture I framed :)

I love that photo, they look like they're kissing xD
Baby, I miss youu :(

Here's the link to one of the organization caring for animals in Cairo, ESMA
There'd been an incident of abusing (murdering) a dog recently and we need your 5 minutes to sign this petition to protect animals and enforce the law. You don't have to be a pet owner or anything. But if you don't like something, then please change it.

This post is as long just as it should be. :) Guys please please, spread the word. I beg you.
I'm happy to hear your thoughts and comments anytime.
the scammer Vet. who operated on my Tito wrong is named Amr Farouk, He had a pet clinic in Maadi. And I hope he's dead.
Useful for once,

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Deep Down

Today I daydream. Of things that will never happen, but deep down I wish them to be. I daydream about hugging you.

I read this today, it's a beautiful post.
I listen to

The lyrics are beautiful, I love his voice.
I also recommend Save him, and Down in a cold dirty well.

Hey, M

Hey M,
I thought of our valentine's day today. I wish I had made you something, or given you a card. I still have yours. I remember what you wrote and it pains me. I've seen a lot of signs lately - not the kind you see on the street-, I don't know what to do, or how should I feel. I ate our favorite biscuit the other day (hope you don't mind). I bought two like I'm always used to, but this time it was one for me and one for me, not for you. And that just breaks my heart a little more. I need your help, your presence. Or just you. I've realized that you were my friend after you're gone, my only friend. And it breaks my heart that you've always knew. I miss cooking for you, I miss talking to you and sharing everything with you. Have you realized how much you've hurt me yet? How much I'm still hurting? I wish you to be honest for once with me. And tell me why? I think knowing the details and everything you've kept buried and hidden would help me. I won't send this. But writing it satisfies me.
Not yours anymore,

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Falling Or Rising

This is such a beautiful post!
From I wrote this for you.

A list of sorts

I need to:

ask about Moly more often. I need to spend time with her.
indulge in happy events and outings. There's this color festival I wanna go.
stay positive.
change my fb profile picture.
write a post about all the good things in my life. That includes (Family, my cats, my BFFs)
raise awareness about animal abuse. (I should do that now)
know how to blog :/ pfffff

That's it.. I guess ( I can always edit :D)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Blogger Baz Blogger Etsala7!

This post originally was named "Between Wednesday and Now"

First, Blogger was down, I couldn't sign in :( Bad Blogger bgd!

Second, I got this reallyyyyyyyyy nice comment but I couldn't reply. Now I don't know where did it go! I would have replied like this
" Ahhhhhhhhhhhh Thank you thank you thank youuuuuu for your nice words and encouragement. I never thought that my ramblings would interest anyone. I read the post you linked, and thank you again for sending me that. It gave me hope."  Thank you, Salma. :)

Third, Wednesday was awesome! I went to college. And at 10 am keda, My friends and I (Monnos, hoha, basomi, ramy, and me) had breakfast at coffee bean and tea leaf. We sat at the out door area. The weather was great and sunny. We had scrambled eggs, sausages and toast. With my great OJ. It was the highlight of the day. We will do it more often. Everyone should do it more often. Kidnap your friends and go. Pay for scrambled eggs and toast a whole lot than you should. Have fun while you're at it. Gossip about the guy sitting next to you who's glaring at everyone and the 70 something lady wearing leggings and heels. You got my point yes?
I got back to college, took my project sketches to the prof. He said and quote "konti fein mn zaman?" He liked it! then I was happyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
I went to Marwa. I cheered her up. She's 22 and got married last Jan. Now she wants a divorce! Her husband is insane. He's not a good person. And a story like this- like the ones we hear on day talk shows- makes you think a million times before getting married. You can't know a person enough. What if he isn't what you thought he is. He plays by the card of society and Marwa's reputation. She's at her parents' rightnow. Rbna ye3awdha 5eir isa. But this is just so sad.

Forth, I sleep a lot now. I'm scaring mom! I sleep more than 12 hours! It's so depressing and I wake up tired.

Fifth, I've read a lot lately. I've learned some new things too. I'm close to graduation. And that blank after it scares me to an extent. Bas I'll worry about that later :)

Sixth, Blogger ew3a tebooz tany! Ana ba2olak aho :/


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Nari inspired by Nari!

I found these quotes today on the internet. They're amazing <3 I'm gonna work today and focus. I fixed my sleeping pattern :D Slept for 12 hours!!!!! Yayyyyy! From 8 to 8 :)
The quotes:

"If you could envision the type of person God intended you to be, you would rise up and never be the same again"

"I hate turning on lights, she said. In the dark everything is how I imagine it.with the lights on, everything is how it is"

Nari :)

Monday, May 9, 2011

A Salah Gahin post!

الدرس انتهى لموا الكراريس
بالدم اللى على ورقهم سـال
فى قصـر الأمم المتــحدة
مسـابقة لرسـوم الأطـفال
ايه رأيك فى البقع الحمـرا
يا ضمير العالم يا عزيزى
دى لطفـلة مصرية وسمرا
كانت من أشـطر تلاميذى
دمها راسم زهرة
راسم رايـة ثورة
راسم وجه مؤامرة
راسم خلق جباره
راسم نـار
راسم عار
ع الصهيونية والاستعمار
والدنيا اللى عليهم صابرة
وساكته على فعل الأباليس
الدرس انتـهى
لموا الكراريس ..

Muffin Day :)

I spent the day at college with Hoha. She's the best! We had fun, we talked, I cried. I laughed with her. She brings me peace. Masha2 Allah she's amazing. We worked for a while. She bought me a muffin. So I called it the muffin day. It was just us. Just like old times. It's late now and I'm gonna start working. I'm content el 7amdollah. Razor called me but I was sleeping, can't remember a word I said to him. I'll give him a call tomorrow. I texted Moly, it made her happy. It was a good day. No negative energy el 7amdollah.
Off to work!

Sunday, May 8, 2011


When I think about someone else in his place..I don't know why I feel pain. Today I felt pain in my chest when I thought of him. Am I living? I laugh sometimes when I'm around people. I feel self conscience when guys look at me. I accidentally said his name once in front of my friends. I felt bad after. I don't sleep, and when I sleep..I dream about him and wake up feeling tired. I don't eat much. It's gonna end eventually. I won't be like this forever. I'll find someone or someone will find me, who really deserves my love. I want to remember how I felt now. And I want to read this post, years from now and laugh at how things turned out. I want to say El 7amdollah then as I say it now. I don't want to regret this. Ever!
At my lowest - el 7amdollah there's lower-

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Twitter Favs.

Cause I might lose them all..or forget about them. I want to keep in mind that line:

If someone doesn't appreciate and value you, then why are you even with them? Know your worth and what you deserve.
Thank You <3

Let Go!

I need that. To let go...of the memories..of the pain..of his face that haunts my dreams. I need to let go. Anybody knows how?

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A wish list!

There're places I wanna go and people that I wanna meet.. I want to discover cultures. I want to grow. I want to pack my clothes and leave. I wanna breathe in pizza and walk around in Rome. I want to count stars in Hawaii. I want to shop in London and Paris. I want to go to South Africa. I want to help animals in Egypt. I wanna do good. I want to work and get sick of it. I want to run till my heart pounds in my ears. I want to feel alive. Laugh so hard that I cry. I want to meet Becks and hug her. I'm 21, beautiful and I have a whole life to live. Love life and live it. Appreciate life
No one gonna take that from me!

Bittersweet symphony, this life

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony..

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Please remember!

That I've never loved anyone as much.

Dear Journal,

I miss him. Yes, I admit it. I don't wanna things to turn back like they used to be. I don't want him back. I just miss him. His smell, his smile, his voice. Everything. I truly loved him, very deeply so. I lost my faith and trust in him. I used to think that he was my hero. My guy I called him in my head, My Migo to his face. I miss the sound of my name on his lips when I answer the phone. I miss his touch. I miss laughing with him. He doesn't deserve a second chance. He didn't even try to get one! He was never sorry for my misery and pain. He probably never will be. I could have given him the world, my life, I could have given him me. I could have loved him all my life and never waited for something back. I called him 7ayaty. He was 7abibi. My first. My one and only. He didn't want that. He betrayed me and humiliated me. And how could anyone put up with that? Why am I crying rightnow? It's no longer a's a constant pain in my heart. My eyes burn. Where did he go? Why did I fell in love with him? Where did I go wrong? I feel sorry for myself. But that won't help me. I never sought solace in him. He was always the cause of my pain. He never comforted me. It was an illusion and it's over now. So tired all the time. I miss him so much. I want one more hug, one more kiss on the forehead, or my cheek. I would accept a one on the hand. Why did this happen? Who's gonna be mine if it isn't him? I'm better off without him but there's always a but. But I'll miss him.
..يا رب عوضنى خيرا

2nd of May!

On Forgiving!

I will never be able to forget the pain of being hurt by the people who were close to me but at the same time I can proudly say that I have moved on. I have forgiven them, not because I still care about them but because I love myself. I love myself far too much to let the same incident hurt me again and again.
Having said that, I also fear that I might end up building walls around me and not trusting anyone for the fear of getting hurt. I know I do that quite often and wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Where do you draw the line between maintaing your dignity and not being a cold, self-centered person?
Yes, I believe everyone deserves a second chance but I don’t think I can give the same person another chance to hurt me. I would never go out and seek revenge (I leave that to Karma) but I would never ever want things to go back to how they used to be. I don’t hold grudges and let it affect my life but I don’t forget either!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I'm Heba! Please read it!

An amazing article about a not so amazing problem in relationships and abusive Egyptian men. Marwa Rakha is an idol to me. God Bless her!

"Most people assume that abuse is directly related to physical aggression but this is just the tip of the iceberg. Psychological abuse is as damaging as physical abuse; and since it is harder to recognize, it is, therefore, harder to recover from. It causes long term self esteem issues and profound emotional repercussions for the partners of abusers. Emotional and verbal abuse frequently shifts to more overt threats or physical abuse, particularly in times of stress. Abusers are needy, controlling, yet clever people; they master manipulation and lies, and they are able to turn a situation around so that somehow the blame lies on you, and not on them; it is always you and what you made him do! Needless to say that abuse typically alternates with declarations of love and statements that he will change, providing a "hook" to keep you in the relationship.

I was once in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship and it took many years to mend the broken pieces – as much as possible. Today I look around me and I see most of my friends putting up with many levels of abusive behavior from their partners. I am not talking about young na?ve inexperienced girls like I was then; I am talking about women who have lives, looks, careers, experience, and education. He tells her "if you do not want to go out tonight, I have 5 other girls who would love to be in your shoes"! He makes her feel as if he was a God-sent gift to pull her out of a stinking brothel! He promises to join her and her friends and never shows up nor calls to apologize! He hates all her friends who envy her for having him! He hits her when he has a tough day at work! She is a bitch if she has a social life! She is pushing her body onto men if she dresses nicely! She is not allowed to argue with him in private and is forbidden to voice a contradicting opinion, or any opinion, in public!
Yes, this is how Heba was being treated, and yes, she accepted it! She literally had to report to Karim; She was accountable for every what, when, where, why, who, which, how, and how often that takes place today, might take place tomorrow, and that took place last year, the year before, or ten years ago! On the other hand, she was not allowed to complain, question, nor inquire. She cannot say "no" or she will be express shipped to lonely island again. She was robbed of her right to choose and denied her right to be fulfilled. Heba, and many others, are 24/7 slaves in the dungeons of cruel merciless masters, they call boyfriends! They are starved for love and attention, humiliated in private and public, emotionally blackmailed, brainwashed, forced into sex, cheated upon, restricted, isolated, intimidated, neglected, and, at times, beaten up!
There is more misery to come! I told Heba that she is in an abusive relationship and that she could do better, she told me she is in love!! Heba sees this as love! I know how she feels. I never had the courage to tell her that I was once in her shoes, but I was a kid and I did not know any better, what is her excuse? Ah, yes … it is the fear of loneliness; this is the knife that the loving Karim holds to her throat and sticks in her heart. She has to obey and conform to the rules or else she will be abandoned – she will have the "I am single" stigma for life. No man will take her, no one will want her, and she will grow old and die alone like the famous spinster aunts! So the trick is to get the "slave" to depend on her "master" when it comes to social acceptance, some care, infrequent attention, physical gratification, financial support, or any other dangling carrot that will keep her locked up in the cage.
It is easy for anyone on the outside to tell Heba to just leave. But she knows how hard it is to break free from his chains. She worries about his reaction, she is not sure if she can face the world on her own, and she tends to prefer the devil she knows to the many other devils out there that she does not know. Heba has no more faith in herself and zero self confidence. She tried to leave the dungeon many times but she fell into the usual traps of ending an abusive relationship:
Trap one: "To avoid his anger, I'll just do something to make him break up with me" – he might not even consider breaking up with you; he will punish you more for misbehaving!
Trap two: "I will not return his calls till he forgets about me" – what a better way to infuriate him?! He will stalk you, haunt you, and you would have created your own version of "Scary Movie".
Trap three: I will tell him: "It's not you, it's me" – You do not need to rub salt into your own wounds. It was never YOU it was always HIM and his bad temper, lousy moods, and continuous abuse.
Trap four: I will say "We can still be friends." – This is like saying, "I don't want to be with you but I'm going to see you often just to remind you that you can't have me." Why would you want this man in your life? Why do you want your jailer to still have a grip on you? Bid him an everlasting farewell – once and forever.
Trap five: "He promised to change" – HE will never change! Do not lose sight of all his previous promises and how he failed to keep any of them. YOU need to change!
Dear Heba, please love yourself and lean on your family, friends, and those who truly love you. Rediscover the fulfillment you used to get at work and let's find more fun things to do together. Accept yourself. Take time to get to know who you are and what you really need. Love will come to you only when you are ready to be loved, and when deep down you know that you will not settle for anything less than true love."