The Way You Should Love Someone.

Growing up, I thought falling in love was just something people did to distract themselves from dying. It was like getting a tattoo; having a boyfriend or a girlfriend was a way of branding yourself and letting people know that you were valued and that you were important. There was something inside of you that made you better than the average person. Now I know that, in many ways, I was right from the very beginning. But the kind of love I understood when I was younger is not necessarily the “correct” kind of love. That kind of love is paper-thin and it will wash away. However, every time you choose to love someone despite the bullshit, you are making it stronger, you are painting a fuller picture. By choosing to love, you are accepting the flaws and ugliness that comes along with something beautiful. You are understanding just how life works.

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Nariman,

Now I know

Now I know.
Why I've been having these dreams.
What they mean.
You were everything to me.
I don't think I could love anyone as much as I loved you.
You used to take my breath away. Literally.
Now you moved on.
I am a fading memory.
I am your past.
I've always wondered, I've always waited, for this day to come.
When I finally see,
You letting me go.
Now it's time for me to do it.
I wish you happiness.
I wish the same for me too.

N

Green.

Envy; such a hateful poisonous  feeling. I imagine a poison would be green.
Isn't that why they say " green with envy"?
I don't need bitterness anymore.
I want to start over.
Without any of them. Without the ghosts of the people who have hurt me, haunting me down.
Ruinning everything, I am trying to build.
Her smile is too big, mine is extinct.
I don't want anything that she has. But seeing her, reminds me of what I've lost.
When it should remind me of how much I've evolved, since then.
How much I have grown.
This is not college. And we're no longer naive.
If I look deeper, I feel pity for her.
And sometimes I pity me.
Or the both of us.
She's my emotional bully.
How could you stand tall, infront of someone who made you feel so weak and helpless?
How can you fight that mental and emotional battle?
How to be brave?
How to hide?
I came asking for a new start. New life. New friends.
And when I finally got comfortable enough, this happens.
I belong here. You know, this is mine.
And you're not welcomed.

This right here, is honesty.
Raw emotions.
I don't think I've ever been that honest and open.
Nariman