Wednesday, March 23, 2011

So I've decided to :)

Document days with photos.
Fulfill a dream with him.
Give us a chance in working things out.
Forgive him.
Make him heal me.
Not give up on us without a fight.
Eat icecream and go for a walk with him.
Share our burdens together.
To guide him and make him a better man.
And Allah isA helps me
Salam Salam!
He kissed my sweet :)

March 22nd!

Perfect in its own way. My first bouquet <3 <3

Monday, March 21, 2011

A wake up quote!

They try to get you to spend all your time trying to figure out what you can do and how you must change to make everything better. That way you don't see how he is setting himself up as the center and only thing in your world." Joanna Hunter

“Compassion is sometimes the fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.”
~ Frederick Buechner <----This is Empathy.... this is what abusive personalities do not know how to feel, what they do not have.

Being lied to, cheated on & having your heart broken, makes it harder to trust people, believe in & or fall in love.

“It is inevitable that some defeat will enter
even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when
it is is finished when it surrenders.”Ben Stein

You, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and your affection.~ Buddha

means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the
person you believe you were meant to be." George Sheehan

Sunday, March 20, 2011

''Voting day'' what an experience!

Kan yom 7elw awi....w2fna shwia fel line bas we voted for the first time. I voted No. Cause I believe you can't build something great on a rocky base. And starting over means a new page, not an erased one. The result came out today. 14 million voters said Yes..only 4 million said No. I accept it and hope for the best insha2 allah.
El facebook kan ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..kol status feeha the words pink finger...w ana mesh salbi w soba3i bambi. 2alsheen kal 3ada bas bn7bohom <3<3
El masryeeeeeen <3
Salam Salam :)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I matter!

Set up boundaries for the way you want to be treated from now on, don't ever settle for anything less. You deserve to be loved for who you are and to be treated with respect and dignity always. Some things in life do not or ever will never make sense, narcissists and abusers are two of those things.
Quote from an emotional abuse article.

Healing begins now!

I'm gonna heal myself.
I'll pursue my dreams no matter what.
My dreams are a reality which WILL BE!
I'll believe, love and encourage myself.
I'll face my problems, divide them in pieces and deal with them.
I'll ask for help when I need it.
I'll only do the things I want.
I'll trust myself and my own judgement.
I'll appreciate everything I have.
And I'll NEVER apologize for things that wasn't my fault.
I'll remember WHY I left.
And I WILL heal.
I won't be in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship ever again!!
El 7amdollah!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The End Of You!

It was a terrible confrontation. It was hard seeing him..hard looking at him..hard saying the words. But I did it. I know I'll cry like a baby..probably lose a part of me forever, but I'll be fine. I hope. I'll write him a goodbye letter and give myself closure (when I'm ready), start a new page of my life without him. I loved him with all my heart. I won't regret this experience.
El 7amdollah rab el 3almeen.
Full stop!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Baaaaaaaaaaahh..they talk about me :(

I'm staring at the cursor blinking and I'm not able to write a thing. Confused as fuck. How could there be someone that ugly? so untrustworthy? Why? And I'm one of those people who always ask why. Why people die? why people hurt other people? why? why? why? Bahh bahh bahh!
I'm not an idiot, unlike my writings show. I'll do what it takes to protect myself. W rabenna abadan ma byrdash bel zolm. Yb2a new resolution Nari? Ah Don't trust anyone. Stay positive. Have faith and trust in Allah..3shan ma7desh 3'ero yestahlha.
I'm fine..I'll be..I promise.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

If Only

If I knew then what I know now, would have I made the same choices? If I knew that today I'll be so heartbroken would I choose the same path with the same person? Was he worth it? Is he worth it? I don't even know what's black and what's white anymore. But I'm sure that this life - the one I've chosen- has no grey.
To the question above a part of me says yes and say it's love. Another part says no and tells me I'm stupid.
And a major part doesn't know.
It's fucking love and I'm so fucking stupid.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


I miss the time when my father was the one to brush my hair instead of my mom. He was very gentle.
I miss playing kitchen and tea set with my sister.
I miss mom dressing me for school.
I miss garas el 7essa el a5eera.
I miss el chipsy w el bozo elli be nos gneeh.
I miss oghneyt ya 7elw saba7 kol yom 3la sba7 el 5eer ya masr lma kona bnshrab el shay 3aleeha.
I miss nasheed el madrasa.
I miss waiting for the school bus.
I miss my childish self.
I miss the swing bta3t el nady.
I miss malahi sphinex wel tarmpoline.
I miss my dead cat.
I miss my puzzles.
I miss eating beed w basterma fe nos el leil w baba kan by3mlhom.
I miss sleeping beside my mother and father.
I miss listening to Nogoom fm while studying sanawya 3ama.
I miss high school drama over boy crushes.
I miss 3ammo Mohamed (allah yer7amo)
I miss many things. But I miss me the most. Yalla aho part mn el growing up process.
Ehhhh Donya :)