Honestly

I don't want to ever be fake. I want to be honest with myself and with people too. I want people to see how I think and what I believe in what I do, not just what I say. I want to be real and true. I don't want to be perfect, I want to accept my flaws perfectly. I don't want to pretend something I'm not. I don't need to impress people and I dont want to be impressed by money and fake gestures and words. I don't want to lie or conceal the truth and I don't want to be scared from being myself and being honest and true. That's what I want.

October

I wanna achieve what I actually wish for. I want to really earn it. I made a small list about things I wanna do and learn on twitter. And I can't wait to start crossing them out, one by one.
So I was thinking that if I really challenged myself and focused on them, I would feel happier on my birthday (November 1st). Recently I've started drawing and doodling again. I'm so happy about that. It's been a long time since I drew anything. Especially when I have an 8 to 5 desk job. Work is good , I've been promoted 2 weeks ago, same tasks only with a better salary ;) I've been there for only 4 months and for them to promote me and reward me for my work.
It just made my year.
I am gonna blog more often in october, little rants here and there.
Have a good week,
Nariman

The Breakup

It was painful and just tragic. There was so much agression and resentment in that relationship. It was not healthy at all. I lost so many things. I deceived myself, I tricked myself. I lowered my standards, I trusted carelessly, I was blind. I thought if he's that great as a friend, he would be great as a lover. How stupid of me! It's over and my friendship with him for 7years is over. And our common friends are over. And my relationship with my parents, who by the way blame me for his mistakes and actions, is also over. Now I have to learn to be without him, without someone who is not able to love amd give. To be without someone who's immature and irresponsible.

Tell her you love her

Tell her you love her..repeatedly!

Tell her you love her...you show her

Lonliness

I want to leave.

I want out of this.

You don't make me feel anything. You don't make me feel happy, and you don't make me feel sad.

I feel loneliness.

Drugs

Clean outfit, nails polished, makeup done. And Nari looks so pretty.

Oh so fucking pretty and we have a birthday to attend. And I don't feel right. I don't feel happy or in love or even okay.

I feel sad. But I get up and finish what I have to finish. I put on my smile just as fake lashes, comes easy.

I'm nearly done and I feel something beside sad. I feel numb.

It's my drug.

Simple concepts

Fake it till you make it.
Fake happy, maybe you'll be it someday.
I've never thought that I would be that type of person.
So full of anger and bitterness now.
Spreading poison since 89,
Nari