Hazel eyed with a caffeine addiction!

I don't know, I hate not knowing! I hate not knowing what you want from me, why do I feel like you need me as your crutch, what do you see in me? Why can't you stop being nice to me? And I don't know why you are! Who are you? Which side are you on? Are you here to hurt or to heal? I don't need this, I don't want anyone depending on me, but somehow I want to help you, I want you to be happy, and all the while I don't want to care. I can't help myself though, This is gonna bring me to tears and end bad, I can only pretend that I forgot what you've done to me. I remember a faint feeling everytime I talk to you, but I push it down, I push away all the bitterness it brings, and focus on you. Focus on now, not then. The past is buried deep deep down. Please don't resurrect it. Please!
Nariman,