My lovely turns two

My Blog just turned 2 years!
I feel grateful, and so happy that among the few things I've started and quit over the years, I haven't quit this.

When I read my old posts, I see how much I've changed and grown over the years.

The things I've lost and the things I've gained as well.

Thank you dear blog, for your blank pages, and for being a place where I can truly rest my head.
Thank you dearest followers, for your support and love!

Merry Christmas too!
Nariman,

Precious

I love your sweetness, but I don't deserve it.
Your kindness as well.
Your shoulder to lean on. I want it.
I want you to heal me.
Cause you remind me of what I used to be.
Pure.
I am poisonous. I am damaged.
I will wipe away your loveliness.
My darkness can't come anywhere near you.
You're too precious.
I don't want to hurt you.
I'll keep my distance.
You're too precious.

Nariman

December is for denial

I don't know where to begin.
I have a lot of may be's to say. Uncertainty is hell. Agony.
Denial is worse.
What do I tell you? That I have a good life, that though it is good, I feel no joy. Nothing.
I cannot come to terms with what I know I should.
I cannot just sit down and think. I do not want to surrender to this.
I am so tired of the never ending circles of self loathing, and berating self. And I got so alone. So sad and so alone. And I don't want people to see. Even tempted to delete this post.
So my birthday came, and I don't know what I accomplished the past year. What do I yearn for? What do I want? I feel lost and unbalanced. As if I don't have a future.
What the hell am I doing?

The dream

I dreamed of you.
Your voice, an echo through my head.
I talk to you, and it was awkward and real. So real. So bittersweet.
And I blame cold medications and high fever.
I touch you, my mind remembers your rough palms.
It creates the illusion of reality, the tingle afterwards.
I call your name, but it came out wrong.
I want you, but the name was for another.
You didn't notice, and I thought you knew.
There was another. Was.
I fix it. I wanted to fix it. I tried again. And I was pained when I said it right.
It has been so long.
I remember reaching out for you.
I remember you say that you called me. I remember you say you're travelling, and never coming back.
I wake up confused and hurt. All over again.
A scar that is still so raw.
I ache, ache and ache.

I blame my mind. Showing me what I work so hard to deny.

Showing me that I still love you.

Red

I can't...just can't get over my obsession with Red lispticks. I love them. I love how bold the color is, it's something I can't be...being bold.
Though it takes a lot of courage to walk around with red lips in Egypt, or so I think.
I don't quite understand why I love it so much. It gives me confidence and that feeling that I'm beautiful. Like I'm really comfortable in my skin.

Every girl should own one, or at least something that makes her feel good. Nice shoes that makes you look great. Or a favorite piece of jewelry.

Sometimes I really like being a girl.

I am 23 now. My birthday was on the first of this month. I haven't mused really about the last year. But I intend to post about my wishes for this year and so..

I have a bad flu and I am rambling.

Sexy_hot_lips23 (would make one funny username haha)
AKA Nariman

Hello November,

Tomorrow, I am turning 23.
Older than today, younger than I'll ever be again.
P.S
Recruiters are ruthless.
And I really like short posts.
Nariman

Mobile post.

Just testing this one out guys.
Let's see if it works.
N,