Hey, M

Hey M,
I thought of our valentine's day today. I wish I had made you something, or given you a card. I still have yours. I remember what you wrote and it pains me. I've seen a lot of signs lately - not the kind you see on the street-, I don't know what to do, or how should I feel. I ate our favorite biscuit the other day (hope you don't mind). I bought two like I'm always used to, but this time it was one for me and one for me, not for you. And that just breaks my heart a little more. I need your help, your presence. Or just you. I've realized that you were my friend after you're gone, my only friend. And it breaks my heart that you've always knew. I miss cooking for you, I miss talking to you and sharing everything with you. Have you realized how much you've hurt me yet? How much I'm still hurting? I wish you to be honest for once with me. And tell me why? I think knowing the details and everything you've kept buried and hidden would help me. I won't send this. But writing it satisfies me.
Not yours anymore,
Nari